Looking at some old photos, I can’t help but reminisce about some past events in my life.
What happened during those days is still quite clear to me, but the emotions I associate with them has changed a lot.
Before I even chanced upon these remnants of what once were, I remember more recently that I am more dominated by regret than gratitude on where I was at the time. More recently, I remember feeling not wanting to be there.
But I did. I definitely did.
As I look at these scattered pieces of my past, I miss the old friends I made, I miss the experience I've gained. I appreciated the solace of being unnoticed. Most of all, I enjoyed the kick of being recognized and its effect on my drive to keep on going.
Somehow though, along the way, I started to question whether what I felt was right, or whether I'm too naïve to see the bigger picture. I started to question my actions. I started to question the things I said - and those I didn’t. I began asking whether the things I did (or didn’t) would make any difference to the present.
I was too focused on a few things, focused on too few people.
I was hugely ignorant of who and what would matter in the long run. I have placed too many things in the sidelines because of the things I wanted to be, or at least what I wanted to appear to be.
Of course, this is all in hindsight. How could I have known. I was young and ignorant.
Maybe I can’t blame myself now, could I? Maybe if I was just a little smarter, a little more open, a little more patient, things would have been different. Maybe some things wouldn’t turn out as how they did. Maybe I’m not writing this hopelessly. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Perhaps the hardest conflicts to resolve are not those with the strongest disagreements, but instead those without the slightest chance of being fixed because of our adamant attempts to avoid and ignore.
One can only wish that some people reach out to them; one can only wish for the strength to reach out first.
People say that a single photograph can tell a thousand stories.
I'd say they surely do.
Maybe in time they'll tell a thousand more.
- 4 toasts